


The Virtue of Sefishness

by Bag_of_Crazy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bag_of_Crazy/pseuds/Bag_of_Crazy
Summary: All of existence is a balance.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Kudos: 11





	The Virtue of Sefishness

**Author's Note:**

> I really hated how they end of Blood Giant played out and the story from then on was less than it should have been. Someone should have spoken up about all the holes in the story.

Bellamy reaches for the book on the throne and starts flipping through it. 

Clarke, in Trig: "Bellamy, Give it to me...Now....Or I'll kill them all. You know I will." Getting desperate, she takes aim at one of the other disciples.

"Clarke, Madi isn't in any danger. I'll make sure of that" Bellamy says.

"They will kill her to get what they want, and you know it. I won't let that happen."

Bellamy's eyes are welling up as he starts to see the truth of it. "I am trying to save us all" He is starting to cry now. He's not sure now.

"Right, save us all. To help us transcend. Transcend into what? beings of light? How do you know this is the way?" How do you know that Cadogan is doing it the right way? How do you know that we can transcend? How do you know just because other beings did it? How do you know we are meant to?" Her questions are starting to open his mind more.

She's too late, the bridge closes behind her.

"NO!, ...Madi, I'll find you. I'll come for you baby, I promise." She turns to Bellamy, fury in her eyes. "So what should I do with you now?. I can't kill Cadogan so I should kill you now instead? But you don't care about us anymore do you?"

Bellamy stands silent, unable to give her the answers she needs. He's crying now. A turmoil inside him that he hasn't felt since the massacre outside Arkadia just after the explosion at Mt. Weather. He's starting to lose focus on his purpose as she speaks.

"Bellamy!" She's shouting at him now and angrier than she has ever been with him. He hears her words but he's not sure he understands them. What she is saying is both true and contradictory. 

She's ranting now.  
"After everything we've been through, how can you believe in a man you don't even know that is telling you the way to 'transcend' is through a war with the people that made the stones? What kind of nonsense is that? It sounds like stupidity to me. And what is transcendence anyway? What does that even mean? Who are these transcended beings and why do they want you to have a war? If the key to transcendence is 'love for all mankind' by the way, then what does love mean? For that matter, why is selfish love so bad? If there's no connection to anyone then there can't be any connection to everyone. And by the way, Cadogan is the biggest hipocrite! If its not selfishness to sleep the ages away while everyone else does all the work then what is? He has no problem sending his sheep out to do all the killing and dying while he sits back calling himself the 'Shepherd' and proclaiming that he will be the savior of mankind. Pretty damn selfish of him don't you think? On top of all that, he's cheating his way there! If he is worthy of transcendence, shouldn't it already have happened for him? Why does it have to be for all mankind? "

He's contemplating the chaos of it all. He is selfish, she's right but there has to be something to it all. He did see and experience what he did on Etherea, didn't he? Is she right? Is he right? Who's right? Maybe everybody is wrong including him. Maybe he hit his head and this is all a nightmare. Instead he decides to share what happened.

"Clarke, wait" She was still ranting but something in his tone made her stop. "I am going to share with you exactly what happened to me and then we can talk about what is true, not true, right and wrong, okay?"

So they sat down together and talked about his experience on the mountain and about his new faith. He told her about resisting and finally giving in. How the storm ended as soon the first time he prayed and how his mother came to him. When he was done though, she had questions, ones he couldn't really answer.

"So you saw him in the cave and he spoke to you and told you that you had to start the last war? 

"Well, no. there was no mention of war, only a feeling of being at peace."

"So....no mention of war. I will give you the transcendence part but the road to get there seems like the wrong way to do it. If war was the answer, we should have transcended a long time ago, don't you think?" She was making sense with that.

"Okay, I agree that maybe Cadogan is wrong about the last war but what else is there?" 

"Jordan thinks its actually a test. Ether way, I don't think Cadogan is the right person to fight a war or take a test.

"

Bellamy is silent for a moment before commenting. "I may regret this but tell me why you think he's wrong"

"Really, you need a lesson in morality? Fine. He keeps talking about his love for all mankind but thinks nothing of sending his disciples out to get slaughtered even when he KNOWS that they will die. His first thought is a war, the final war, a contest to win at all costs even when it may cost everything. and for no one except maybe himself. He is selfish instead of selfless. He isn't risking his own life at any point but has no problem torturing someone to get what he wants or needs from them, even if they are innocent. Sounds like mountain men to me. I am not saying that anything we have done is any better but at least we knew we were the monsters. Cadogan isn't capable of fighting for anyone other than his own glory so he wouldn't win a war for anyone but himself. If Jordan is right and it's a test then, he couldn't possibly pass a test for all mankind. If he was the only one being judged, do you really think he would pass? I can't imagine anyone else thinking it was okay to torture an innocent person for information and justifying it with the belief they were 'doing it for all mankind' actually passing a test that would allow all mankind to transcend into beings of peace, can you? He's an ego maniacal tyrant whose premise is sound but his methods are way passed unacceptable in any reasonable shape or form. On top of that, just because one person passes the test doesn't mean the whole species is ready to give up on all the other things in this life. I know that ANY existence without the connection that selfish love brings isn't worth it to me. The way I feel about Madi, you, the others, far outweighs the possibility of just being at peace. I think there can be middle ground, we just have to find it. People are meant to share their lives and that means their love, joy, pain, sorrow, all the things that connect us as humans. I think that if you don't have darkness, you never know what light is. All of life is a balancing act and you can't dismiss that just because you don't like the unpleasant parts. I'm not sure humans are ready to transcend. I'm not sure I want to give up the good stuff just because I don't like the bad. I just know that life is messy. If you're lucky, you get to have the best life has to offer, even if just a little while. My question for you is.... with your new faith, your feeling of being at peace, did you feel whole, complete, full of love for everyone, anyone? Was there a sense of complete fulfillment? A feeling that your life had meaning? Happines? Anything that is important to the substance of life?"

He hadn't thought about that really, only what his experience brought him. Faith? Yes. Peace? Certainly. Purpose? Absolutely. Fulfillment? Love? Meaning? Happiness? He wasn't so sure now if peace had brought him any of those things. Time had run out anyway, the bridge was opening again.....

**Author's Note:**

> If only they could have had a meaningful conversation......


End file.
